Canada … A Country Void Of Laughter

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Two peoples, united over being forced to live in uninhabitable lands.

Yesterday we posted our PWNED! Person of the Day, Graham Harrell. What we didn’t realize was that Canadians haven’t laughed at themselves since 2005 when the Queen headed back to the U.K. and everyone was forced to answer the question, “Now what?” So apparently we hacked off an entire nation and the masses came in guns a’blazin’. We’d like to post these comments today and as we do, we’d like for you read them in the “white guy” voice that Dave Chappelle every black comedian uses quite frequently. Let’s get started:

Anonymous Canadian:
Hey, have you ever seen a CFL game? Or even been TO Canada? Saskatchewan is a perfectly fine place to live, and the CFL is a perfectly fine place to improve a skill set and get noticed (see Cameron Wake, now of the Miami Dolphins). Now I’m going to sit back in my luxury leather recliner, drink a beer, and enjoy the great CANADIAN football on a 72″ HDTV.

“… and enjoy the great CANADIAN football.” Can you send us a picture of this “great CANADIAN football” you speak of? Is it made of gold? Do you pray to it?

Mike From Canada:
I think it’s time you sue your brains for non-support.  Oh, I apologize, you don’t have any.  Get a life clown!!

Pure gold Mike.

Nate:
You are an idiot. Canadian football is fantastic.  Ever hear of Warren Moon, Doug Flutie or Jeff Garcia?  It worked for them so why not for Harrell?

No one said it wasn’t an avenue to the NFL. It’s just a very densely populated fir tree-lined avenue to the NFL. One that if you run out of gas on, the buzzards start circling. Wait, can buzzards live in Canada?

Chris Hartnell:
He wouldn’t be the first guy to get a chance in Canada, then move on to success in the NFL.  Don’t underestimate the CFL, or Saskatchewan. I’m just concerned he won’t get a chance to play as he is now sitting 4th or even 5th on the depth chart. I’ve been to Regina and I’ve been to Cleveland, I think Regina is nicer.

No doubt Regina is nicer than Cleveland, Chris. We think a lot of places are nicer than Cleveland. Like say, the bottom of the ocean or hell itself.

Doug:
You are a peice of work. How can you bash some place that you have never even been? Tons of players come up to Canada for a few years and then move onto the NFL. Do your homework before you write a bunch of nonsense.

We don’t have to go to Canada, we’ve seen video and it’s terrible what you people do to bacon up there. Just atrocious.

Chad:
You are a prejudiced idiot that is basing all your info on stereotypes.  I’d love to do the same to you but we in Canada are above it.  Come on down and watch, feel, see, and experience how real football goes down.  It will be interesting to see if Mr. Harrell will even be good enough to grasp our game.  Watch out we are taking over!!!

Oh Chad! So many questions for you. “…but we in Canada are above it”, soo like, geographically? “…Come on down and watch” , oh soo like, metaphorically.

Ryan:
You really are ignorant. I am not sure if there even is a point in correcting all the errors in your post.

Tell us about it. It’s exhausting.

Davey G:
A little ignorant aren’t we?

We always make fun of what we’re scared of, don’t we Davey?
/starts weeping uncontrollably.
/Blames father figure.
/Realizes commenter’s name is Davey.
/Starts laughing again.

Jeff :
Maybe you should come up here and watch a game.

Here’s the scoop Jeff, t.v. caught on here. I mean it really really caught on here. Everyone has one. Homeless people have at least 2. We’ll watch it from down here, as soon as every channel but the channel that has Canadian football on, goes on the fritz.

Trina:
How dare you insult our country, yet alone the city of Regina, SK. And by the way “Toronto is all techie and clean”, hey buddy they have had a one month garbage strike in the dead of summer. It’s a filth hole. You have the nerve to cut down a city and a league you know nothing about. Get your head out of your uneducated American a** and do your reserach before you talk such nonsense. Rider Pride is alive ask anyone in Canada, oh wait you only know where Toronto is. How typical!

Sweet Trina, we get the feeling that your world is absent of children, rainbows, and Coca-Cola and you’ve opted for a life full of Eminem, Slim Jim’s, the Motorolla RAZR and yes, the  CFL. Look yourself in the mirror and say to that sweet face of yours, “I don’t have to get in line with the other 12 people that live in Canada. I am my own person. Capable of pizza toppings other than Canadia…” Ok this one’s getting long in the tooth.

Ted C.:
Wow, you are the true epitome of the term “ignorant American” with your idiotic rant about how bad things are in Canada, and your usual stereotypes about lumberjacks and maple syrup. If you bothered to get a real education, you might realize that Canada is not some foreign country that looks like it was taken off the pages of a comic book, with cartoon moose and cartoon people. We’re real people who have real jobs, own real houses, and cheer for real sports like the NFL, MLB and even NASCAR and professional golf. Stop being so ignorant and you wouldn’t be so hated by every country other than Mexico. Treat people with respect, and don’t cut us down just because we have less murders in a year as a country, then the state of Texas does in a month by firearms. The Saskatchewan Roughriders organization can be compared to the Green Bay Packers in terms of fan base and history. We love our team, and even though we’re a small market, we pack the stadium and the players love playing for us. But hey, what do you care, right? Graham Harrell should be playing in the U.S. of A. and nothing else matters. I agree, he should have gotten a chance in the NFL, but ask Warren Moon, Jeff Garcia, and Doug Flutie if they regret using the CFL to work their way back to the big show in the NFL. P.S. Canadians don’t hate Americans because if you look on a map, we’re all part of North America, which makes us all AMERICANS. I guess we need to kill more people and offend more foreign countries to be respected by people like you. But that’s never going to happen, so keep on hating Canada if you want to. We happen to love it!

Thank you for your opinion’s Ted. We’ll take these comments, put them in a box, and store them in our attic, which geographically is Canada. So here you go, here’s your comments back! P.S. “…you might realize that Canada is not some foreign country that looks like it was taken off the pages of a comic book, with cartoon moose and cartoon people.” TED! It worked for Speedy Gonzales, and if it worked for a mouse, it’s gonna work for a moose.

kevink:
Perhaps if the brainiacs that run the No Fun League would have drafted him he would have been able to stay.
We are looking forward to him playing in the CFL and enjoying Canadian beer and Canadian whiskey!!

We’re not going to argue your point Kevink. You’re insight as to how Graham Harrell can stay was insightful. In other news, if the Sun wasn’t made of fire, it wouldn’t be so hot out.

brad:
I thought I let you know Regina is the Heart of the RIDER NATION Football is all that matter here so be for you run down the CFL and Saskatchewan come watch the CFL in Regina its something you need to see

Brad, three things. One: How in the world did you spell Saskatchewan correctly but manage to completely botch the English language? Periods help people know when one of your extremely hard to follow sentences ends and another begins. Two: We hope Regina is the “Heart of the RIDER NATION Football“ considering it’s where the team is based out of. Three: If the Roughriders are “all that matter here” you’ve got so many more problems than this extremely, poorly written blog.

In the end we want to make it quite clear that we don’t hate Canada. Canada is awesome because Canada gave us:

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Filed under CFL, Canada, Stereotypes

Tags: Angry Commenters, Canada, CFL, people who take themselves a little more seriously than the rest of us